Last Christmas
by VirgoMaiden
Summary: Songfic. Life. Death. Nami is well acquainted with both as that time of the year starts rolling around. Can she learn to forgive herself for the death of someone that she loved? ZN, SN


**A/N:** A Christmas songfic because they're easy as the holiday season comes along. And I figured that another San/Nam fic couldn't hurt :-). (By the way—the lyrics were taken from the Ashley Tisdale version, because I like the refrains in it. No other real reason why…All versions of this song make me go misty eyes… ;;) –_is a wimp_-

AND… I have ALTERED the lyrics as I heard them. The source is at the bottom. Listen for yourself and judge.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece or the song "Last Christmas." Even though it IS the holiday season, and the creators should be feeling pretty giving…

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**Last Christmas**

**By VirgoMaiden**

**(A Songfic)**

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The open sea was unforgiving, and although the falling snow seemed to be doing its best to soften the image, it still left a cold, biting feeling in her heart, leaving her chilled to the bone (Of course, standing outside probably wasn't helping matters much…). Tears were not as much as a concern out here, though, so she stayed in the crow's nest, instead of heading towards the inviting warmth of the kitchen.

_Last Christmas_

_I gave you my heart_

_But the very next day, you gave it away_

_This year_

_To save me from tears_

_I'll give it to someone special_

She shivered and blinked back her emotions, once again. Not that she _wanted _to join them, though; they'd just look at her, smiling… But their hearts wouldn't be in it. It was a thing she was used to seeing, something she was used to having to discern:

Sympathy.

_Last Christmas_

_I gave you my heart_

_But the very next day, you gave it away_

_This year_

_To save me from tears_

_I'll give it to someone_

_I'll give it to someone...special_

But really, what could she have done? He had told herself specifically to stay put…not that she could've gotten up and left if she had wanted to… Chopper had kept her on strict bed rest since she had contracted a cold (fearing a relapse of her grand Line fever, he had been much more forceful than usual.).

But, still, it was her fault. She had asked for a certain pen… and he had gone to fetch it towards her, being the guy that he was (Not that he would have ever admitted it, though; he wasn't all _that _sensitive).

But that had put him in the zone… where a few, stupid, amateur pirates had gotten in trouble with the locals. There had been some shots, a bit of a riot from what she had heard…

And he was gone. Gone to the other side where he had refused to go so many times before…

_Once bitten and twice shy_

_I keep my distance_

_But you still catch my eye_

_Tell me baby_

_Do you recognize me?_

_Well_

_It's been a year_

_It doesn't surprise me_

_Happy Christmas,_

_I wrapped it up and sent it_

_With a note saying "I love you"_

_I meant it_

_Now I know what a fool I've been_

_But if you kissed me now_

_I know you'd fool me again_

It wasn't _fair_.

She had just told him, too… Standing all mysterious in the back, it was a surprise that he had even noticed her acting oddly around him. And time after time again, after he had treated her like the drama queen/controlling hag that she was, she still felt her stomach churn a bit whenever she saw him around the ship.

Infuriating churn.

She gripped the railing even tighter; so tight that her veins were easily noticeable.

And it almost being a year… Tomorrow, Christmas, was the day.

The day after she had given him her heart. The day after he had accepted it. The day before she had sent him to his death.

_Last Christmas_

_I gave you my heart_

_But the very next day, you gave it away_

_This year_

_To save me from tears_

_I'll give it to someone special_

But she still felt _mad _for some reason. She wanted to scream at him, to hit him… To ask why he chose that day to listen to her… To obey her petty demands. He had never done it before… Or at least, not without hesitation… Why had he started that day? Because she had finally told him?

She had given him her heart wholly to him.

He had sent it back the very next day.

_Last Christmas_

_I gave you my heart_

_But the very next day, you gave it away_

_This year_

_To save me from tears_

_I'll give it to someone special (Special)_

She had gotten the pen, though. It was located in the bag that he had been holding. In the bag was also his gifts for the crew.

She had taken him away from them too. Oh, gods above, she was truly a _witch_.

_A crowded room_

_Friends with tired eyes_

_I'm hiding from you_

_And your soul of ice_

_I thought you were_

_Someone to rely on_

_Me?_

_I guess I was a shoulder to cry on_

_A face, a lover with a fire in her heart_

_A man under cover but_

_You tore me apart,_

_Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again_

"Miss Nami-san?"

Nami turned around to Sanji; she had known that it would be him. It was almost always him. He had been the one last year… And would be the one this year.

She felt self-conscious of herself. Sanji, while not admitting it, had been on friendly terms with Zoro when he had died… even though the two chose not to show it in "normal" ways. He and Zoro had been not only adversaries, but partners, and… and she had taken that away from him like she had from the rest of the crew.

And Zoro… he was one to be reliable… solid… without a doubt, always there. He was one that shouldn't have been taken.

"Yes, Sanji-kun?" she replied quietly. She gave no insight to the thoughts decorating her head, but it was probably obvious, considering how far away she was from everyone else.

Still, he asked the damned question: "Are you okay?"

She turned back to the sea, the wind cutting her ears. She gulped, an effort to hide the potential wavering.

"As fine as I can be. Why?"

"You haven't come down from your room all day… And you're up here, away from everybody else," he said slowly, carefully, as he walked forward. He stopped when he got to her side, but stood his uniform distance away from her; he had always been sensitive to the fact that she had been Zoro's first, so he never approached her like he had used to after the swordsman had died.

"I'm just tired," she said, running her hand through her hair. "And I feel lousy, so I don't want to get the others sick."

"I see."

It was quiet after that, for a long time. The two merely stood, waiting, but not sure for what exactly, while thinking of a certain green-haired swordsman who was missing out on the season's festivities.

"You know, no one pities you… Or blames you, for that matter."

It took a moment to register in Nami's brain that Sanji had spoken to her. She still remained silent, however, allowing him to plow on through.

"It was going to happen sooner or later, right? His death… You know how risky he was… How stupid he could be… More so then me, obviously. And… one of us… being killed by a stupid raid at port… Whether it would be you or me or Usopp or Chopper, or Robin, or Luffy… or Zoro."

Nami stiffened at the blatant mention of Zoro; she was still unsure how to react, and usually did so by remaining stony and looking ahead with unblinking eyes.

Sanji spoke again, although this time it was much quieter.

"You know that I—_we _could never hate you, Nami," he said. "And neither does he."

He waited for a moment then, but seeing how she was not going to say anything any time soon, sighed and turned away, heading towards the ladder. He thought about offering an invitation to join them, but he wasn't sure if he would or not.

_Last Christmas(last Christmas)_

_I gave you my heart (I gave you my heart)_

_But the very next day, you gave it away (You gave it away)_

_This year_

_To save me from tears_

_I'll give it to someone special_

_(I'll give it to someone)_

"_You know that I—_we_ could never hate you, Nami."_

"…_And neither does he."_

Nami wiped her dry eyes prematurely, her brow furrowing. What did he know? Simple words couldn't consolation a killer. She had sent him to his death. With tears. And begging. And whining about _how _this pen was the _perfect _pen, and would simply _blow _her previous maps out of the water.

She gave a large sigh and rolled her shoulders, craning her neck up at the night sky. She really wanted to accept his offer… Should she? Were the other really okay with her being in the same room with them on the night before the anniversary?

_The sap tries so hard_, she thought wryly. _He's too forgiving._

She peered down at the galley windows curiously. Dark shapes were moving in the windows and there were shouts of laughter, most recognizably Luffy's, and the strangled cry of Chopper, who was probably being victimized…

_Last Christmas_

_I gave you my heart_

_But the very next day, _

_you gave it away (You gave it away)_

And then the loud, roaring laugh of Sanji. Since Zoro had died, he had taken it upon himself to be the next "father figure of the group." He was the one who went between the fighting crew members, attempting to solve the problems… The one who served her and Robin-san without fail… The one who was now assigned Luffy's Personal Lifeguard.

He did try too hard. He was constantly going back to the sidelines, where she was, pulling at her arms, trying to get her to join in. Trying to get her to forgive herself.

_Forgiveness…_

Maybe if she would try it… On herself? Would Zoro think it was fit too? To stop blaming herself? At least for tonight… Tomorrow, she could be back to her "regular" self, standing in the shadows… Figuring if she had the guts to fully face the crew.

And Zoro.

_I don't care what happened, _she remembered him once saying, _what's in the past is in the past, and it's damn pathetic to wallow in it._

_Even if it was your death?_

But it was too late, she knew slowly. He legs were carrying her to the ladder, across the crow's nest, away from the sidelines and into the spotlight… Down the ladder and across the deck… To the door… Throwing it open…

The party stopped when she stepped inside the room. The crew, spread out, stared at her, but not with hatred, or sympathy…

…But forgiveness.

Sanji smiled, coming to the front, and beckoned forward, for her to join them… for the third time.

_This year_

_To save me from tears_

_I'll give it to someone...special_

_(Last Christmas, last Christmas)_

_I'll give it to someone..._

_Sanji… thank you._

_Special._

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A/N: My first songfic, there you go. Analyze it as you will. I hope the ending didn't seem too rushed… I was running out of verses --;

Sorry, S/N shippers, if there didn't seem to be that much romance… I wrote it differently in my head, but it made sense not to have her bounce back so quickly… so Sanji got more of that familiar "one-sided love" we are all so familiar with. BUT, at least he got some one-on-one time with Nami! Right? RIGHT?

If you have any questions, comments, flames, constructive criticism… Feel free to press the review button. I shall welcome it all.

And happy holidays, with your families, significant others, friends, coworkers… you know the drill :-). Have a great 2008. May health and happiness (and for some of you…wealth ;) ) this year.

VM


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